CUTTING THE TUBE: ABRAHAM AND THE GENITAL TUBE COVENANT WITH HIS SUPREME TUBE, AT THE SUPREME DISCOM
“God said to Abraham Kill me your son.
Abe said God you must be putting me on!
God said No.
Abe said “What?
God said next time you see Me you’d better run.
Abe said where you want this killing done? God said out on Highway 61.”
Abraham was a very important tube. He was the patriarch tube (father of other tubes who ‘made a difference’) for three religions based on Tubism, Judaism, Christianity and Islam. He fathered Isaac in the tubal line of Judaism and Ishmael in the tubal line of Islam. Of course Christianity evolved? From Judaism when Paul decided that Pagan tubes no longer had to be circumcised to be a follower of Jesus. Prior to Paul’s decision, only Jews could be followers of Jesus who was Jewish.
For those who may not know, circumcision is when certain tubes snip off the tip of their sexual, urination tube), their penis, to be a branded member of the tribe of the Israelites. Why? Good question. It was done because Abraham (who probably had drunk too much fermented goat’s milk) was told by god that the Jews could enter into a special covenant with him by snipping their tube. It sounds a little like a gang initiation or cattle branding. Somehow god had some penis issues and wanted to share them with Abraham’s people. This same Supreme Tube also told Abe to kill his son Isaac to prove his loyalty and devotion to him. Sounds a bit like Donald Trump. Luckily, a passerby angel told Abe to drop the knife and sacrifice a ram tube instead.
Stop a moment and think how this scenario would play out today? Yet millions of people all over the world believe this past psychotic episode was both sane and sacred.
This tubal snipping covenant has deeply affected our modern beliefs worldwide. Ouch! Can you believe what we believe?
Fatherhood at its best? Painting by Titian 1542-44